Routes To Self Improvement Ezine
Issue 6
This issue of Routes To Self Improvement is about understanding yourself better and more more realistically. We often talk about image in respect of other people, or self image in terms of the way others see us. But what about the way we see ourselves? Our self image of ourselves may not always be as accurate as we would like to think.
Discover and Control Your Dual Nature
Sometimes we label ourselves in a way that is not necessarily true. Imagine going in to a clothing store and seeing something labeled as "small white skirt for a slim lady" when in fact you can see it is a "large black dress for a fat lady." What would you think? You would think they were crazy or made a very big mistake. You would probably leave the shop giggling, or enjoy telling the nearest member of staff how ridiculous that label was.
When it comes to ourselves, though, we too can be guilty of applying wrong labels. With us, though, it can be a form of self deception. We may accept some parts of our personality as they truly are, but others we may distort to make ourselves look better to....ourselves.
For example, we may accept a word like “independent” but don’ realize that sometimes we should say self-centred and egotistical. Independent may be a correct label in some respects, but not in others. We might also like to call ourselves “extrovert”, without realizing that we are downright rude in the way we talk incessantly about ourselves and ignore others around us. There are countless examples of this type, depending on the person concerned.
Here is a practice that can give you more insight into who you are. This will make it easier for you to respond to various situations in your life, and do so with a better understanding of your actions. It is also useful to experience this exercise while trying to see yourself freely in a way that others might see you. Be totally honest with yourself.
1. To start, list three personal qualities you have which you feel good about. For example:
a. I am responsible.
b. I am truthful.
c. I am amusing.
2. Secondly, add an "alternative reality" to each of those three statements you have listed. This means you should find examples of when the opposite of the initial statement is true. Here’s how your alternative realities might look:
a. I am normally responsible with money, but sometimes I make impulse buys.
b. I am normally truthful, but if I am selling something I tend to hide the truth or even distort it.
c. I am amusing sometimes to some people, but I can easily hurt the feelings of others through sarcasm.
3. At this point you should reverse the sentence topics, and even modify some words if you feel it helps. Starting with the negative aspects that accompany your personality will give you more insight and offer you a better perspective on these issues.
Here is how it may look like after the transformation:
a. I make impulse buys, but am normally responsible with money.
b. If I'm selling, I may hide or distort the truth, but normally I am honest.
c. I can sometimes hurt people through my sarcasm, but I am usually amusing.
Now, take a look at the last two lists (steps 2 and 3) and read them carefully for a few minutes. Pay no attention to the topic of the sentence, just try to focus on the meanings your words expressed. Always keep in mind the purpose of this little exercise: “black” and “white” are rarely defining for a person. By identifying your duality you get a better chance of appreciating your actions and the responses they trigger.
You have also created a list of three qualities and three negative aspects that you believe characterize you. The first step in removing those negative characteristics took place the moment you identified them.
Now it is time to make practical use of this exercise. Next time you find yourself in a situation where a choice has to be made or a decision to be taken, try to remember the exercise. Observe that new situation from a dual point of view, by acknowledging your positive features, while also analyzing the negative parts. Practice can lead to a natural integration of this exercise in your conscious and subconscious mind. After a while, you may not even need to make a conscious effort to analyze a situation from both perspectives and this process will come naturally. A much desired objectivity can appear between your positive and negative characteristics, and you can use it to make the right choices in most situations.
